Faded Memories
by Sakura-Moonlight
Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori’s side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina. Complete'Do you believe in an eternal love'
1. Friendly Reminders

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's note: First long story in like... a year? I usually don't have the inspiration to finish one, but this one I will! For sure! Please R& R, encouragement is great! Flames... not as great. Sorry if they're too OOC, but it's meant to be this way!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, but I own this weird twisted plot that was inspired by another story!

Chapter 1

Friendly Reminders

_Memories are the key to one's heart,_

_And one's heart is the password to the soul._

Hitsugaya Toushiro was a man of his words, whether or not he can carry through them depends on how determined he was of the task. Right now, he wasn't fighting a hollow or anything, or protecting another from harm. It was a promise he made to himself. About 30 minutes ago.

Matsumoto had reminded him of that simple fact around then, doing the usual light teasing that Hitsugaya had learned to deal with by leaving the office almost immediately. But this time, it was different. What the lieutenant had to say was important somehow, and he couldn't help but want to listen.

_"You are going to visit Hina-chan again?" _

He wasn't anywhere even near the 4th division, nor did he made any movements to insure her that he was. He had spun around then, and were about to leave the room.

_"She's still not awake." _

Those words froze him. It was one thing to hear Matsumoto's voice so serious all of a sudden, however, this was Hinamori she was talking about here.

_"Whether or not she'll wake up, will all depend on her will to live."_

Unohana's words pierced him then. If it did depend on her will, then wouldn't she already be awake by now? Desperation, anger, confusion, yet horror overcame him.

_Unless she didn't want to live. Not anymore._

It was hard to convince himself, so Hitsugaya didn't.

_"I'm leaving, Matsumoto."_

Of course, he didn't do that. Some things Matsumoto did know best about him, and at that moment, she knew he'd stay. To listen.

_"Shouldn't you visit her taichou? Unohana-taichou said that she needed someone who really cares about her to be at her side."_

Hitsugaya didn't know, he wasn't injured too often and had never been in a coma quite like Hinamori's. However, he had some sort of a clue to realize that when you were, you wouldn't exactly know who was beside you. He was unsure now.

_Someone who really cares about her…_

Was he that someone? Of course. Who did she have left? Her old classmates Kira and Renji were both lieutenants as well, and though they did care about her well-being, Hitsugaya couldn't bring it up to his mind to think either would be willing to risk their own life. Aizen had betrayed her severely, being the reason why she wasn't beside him right at that moment, smiling as usual. And him?

He failed to protect her.

It was a simple fact, staring at him right in the face. It wasn't a game of blame, but a game of responsibility. He promised himself he'd protect her every since they were young, though Hinamori took the first steps in that matter, he didn't give up on that promise. But now, he was sure he had failed. She was in a coma for god sake!

He wished it wasn't true.

But it was.

And he couldn't do a single thing about it.

_"Taichou? Why Hinamori-chan? Why do you want to protect her so badly?"_

If it was any other situation, he would've just answered: "Because she's my best friend," But he was utterly speechless at that, unmoving lips and his feet just felt paralyzed below him.

_"Was she that special to you?"_

Of course. But why? Why had she been special? He couldn't tell. But he so desperately wanted to know. _"Is she more than your best friend?"_

Normally, Hitsugaya would've frozen Matsumoto to a statue, or at least have threatened to. She usually backed off after then, but the question was no longer in a light the lieutenant intended.

_"Do you hate her?"_

Of course not! It never occurred to him before, but now, he figured he did have a reason to.

But he doesn't.

He probably never will.

_"Can you live without her?"_

And that was the question. Hitsugaya had left then, feeling empty and betrayed, his mind swirling around that one single question. Around all of them.

Why was she the most important person to him?

And it wasn't often Hitsugaya didn't wish he was the prodigy of Soul Society. Because he had a brief idea of what was going on here…and for the second time in his life…

_Geniuses don't make mistakes… _

Hitsugaya Toushiro had wished that he was wrong.

Next time: Hitsugaya goes through his childhood thoughts to find out why he is now a shinigami.

Hope you enjoyed it! Review and tell me what you thought of it!


	2. Childhood Dreams

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's Note: Well, since the last chapter was uploaded on a library's computer and my internet connection's down, and is going to be for a while... (cries) I'll post this new chapter up for you all. Thanks to all who reviewed! I'm happy you liked it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, if I do, well, the world would've come to an end already..

Chapter 2

**Childhood Dreams**

Last time:_ "Can you live without her?"_

And that was the question.

_Some hearts are easier to break than others,_

_But when the stronger hearts break,_

_The shattered pieces won't come back together,_

_So easily…_

Hitsugaya wanted the answer. That was when he had left the comfort of his division to go to some place quiet nearby. The 4th division was quite inviting as they let him in. Of course, it was a brave decision for his mind to take in, but in the end, he won in the battle against himself, strange enough as it sounds. He felt almost broken somewhat, unable to think straight, nor properly. This wasn't a casual conversation with others.

Others couldn't help him now.

It was his own memories he had to deal with, his own emotions, his own feelings…

His own heart.

And no one could understand them better than he could.

The soft grass felt rather nice against his robes as he lay under the shade.

_Just like old times…_

There were things Hitsugaya would never truly understand, he was sure of that fact. Of course, it didn't stop him from trying. If he couldn't even understand the complex thoughts he harboured what could he understand? Simply nothing.

Hitsugaya wouldn't admit it. Not to himself, or anyone else. But he wanted the comfort of another here. It would make him feel better to converse with someone else. But this was HIS problem, and no one else's. Hitsugaya wasn't sinking low enough to drag his problems into other peoples' lives.

It seemed funny to him somehow, that he was thinking of such a thing when the war was approaching so suddenly. But there was a sense of urgency behind Matsumoto's words that made him feel like this was a promise he couldn't fail.

Not anymore.

A soft breeze passed by him. How was he supposed to start? It wasn't like an endless list of people to talk to, to make him feel more reassured in his answers. There was no beginning, and at the moment, no end.

Hitsugaya really wished he sorted his thoughts neater. He couldn't find a single thing he wanted to, and at the rate he was going, he probably won't for another century or so…

Hinamori was important to him. He established that fact first above all.

_The question was why…_

There wasn't anything significant about her…was there?

And the breeze picked up, and Hitsugaya suddenly remembered when they were kids. Everything seemed to be so easy back then wasn't it? So carefree and less pressured. More happiness, less frowns. Hitsugaya blinked.

Of course… He had met her when they were younger, hadn't he? Some things would never change, and there was the terrible memory of how he acted when he was younger. Hitsugaya sighed.

He never would've expected that him, to become who he was today.

It was too, complicated. And yet another question rose in his head.

_Why did he change?_

Hitsugaya was left with a question with no answer. And though curiosity took care of the fact he wanted to know, it was more than that. Tensais were to be depended on; perhaps this gave Hitsugaya more pressure than before.

But there were no one depending on him for this. No one but himself. Himself alone.

And Hinamori.

Somehow Hitsugaya had a feeling something about them will change if he figured it out the hidden answers. For the better? Or for the worse…He had no idea. But he couldn't help his mind wandering off to another world, in which they were children…

And everything was alright…

* * *

_The soft scent of cherry blossoms filled the air, and they sat on the porch as always, Hinamori smiling as usual, and Hitsugaya munching away on his favourite fruit. _

_"Why won't you come to the Shinigami academy with me shirou-chan?" She asked, looking rather down._

_"Don't…call…me that…bed wetter Momo…" He managed to spit out as he endlessly gulped down the watermelon, spitting out the seeds._

_Hinamori didn't seem to mind the nickname with words, though her smile deflated quite a bit. _

_"I'll only call you by your real name when you come to the same place as me!" Hinamori declared. _

At the moment, Hitsugaya felt like he was never going to accept the offer. Of course not. Why would he go and become a so called Shinigami? Wouldn't it be nicer to stay by the countryside and enjoy life as it was? That's what he thought then too.

_"Why should I bed wetter Momo?" _

His decision remained unchanged then. His shield high on guard as if Hinamori was going to find some other way to convince him to do something he was sure he wasn't going to deal with. It wasn't until then…That's right.

When she came back during holidays…

And he was happy again despite his appearance about it…

And she started talking…

About **him.**

Only him...and basically nothing else.

* * *

_"We just got saved by Aizen-taichou and Ichimaru-fukutaichou today! It was so scary at first, but they came through for us! Aizen-taichou's so great isn't he?" Hinamori said happily, staring off to the sky dreamily._

_Hitsugaya spit some seeds into the older girl's face, causing a rather sad appearance._

_"Why won't you come to Seireitei?" She insisted, eyes dark._

_"I'll do what I want." Hitsugaya replied just as darkly, taking another bite of watermelon. _

_Hinamori looked taken back, but didn't insist anymore._

He had done what he wanted to. Why though? Why did he go ahead and get enrolled in the academy when even Hinamori couldn't convince him otherwise? Why? Damn it…

_"I'll visit you again when I have time ok shirou-chan?"_

Those words still rang in his ears.

It was a promise kept, out of the many the two had made.

_"Let's be friends forever shirou-chan!"_

She broke her promise…

_I'll protect you forever._

He broke his.

And that was all there was to it

_It takes two to end a friendship,_

_Both ends must break._

_So why did ours seem non-existent,_

_When I wanted it so badly?_

_Why…did I forgive you…?_

Next time: Hitsugaya's about to find out who really convinced him to go with Hinamori to the Shinigami Academy, but will he like it?

Author's note: Review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! To be honest, I finished the whole story already and am uploading slowly because well, if I didn't finish the whole story, it'll probably be put on hiatus and/or deleted... Oh well, enough rambling! Happy reading!


	3. The Prodigy's Life

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's Note: Thanks to ALL who reviewed and read this! I'm happy that so many, well, not as much as other authors might expect, but still a lot to me, since I'm not so confident in my writing, liked this story! Happy reading and remember to review at the end!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Probably never will... cries

Chapter 3

**The Prodigy's Life**

Last time: _Why won't you come to Seireitei?"_

_"I'll do what I want."_

_Friends are people that see you for who you are…_

_And they like you for that,_

_Not what you've become. _

Maybe Hinamori haven't thought it was much of a big deal, but Hitsugaya sure did. That promise back then, it meant a lot to him. But Hinamori might have not realized it, but their friendship was coming apart. Bit by bit, piece by piece, until it was no more.

_"Let's be friends forever shirou-chan!"_

Hitsugaya had thought it was stupid then. It was made before Hinamori even knew what a Shinigami was. However, once she did, it was the first sign of breaking. The ends started to crack. Only those visits kept them from falling completely.

But once Aizen came into the plot...

Hinamori's end began to fall...

_"Why wouldn't we you baka..."_

And Hinamori took that as a yes, just as Hitsugaya intended for it to be.

"It didn't have to end this way...Hinamori..."

_Your side may have been broken the instant Aizen's sword stabbed you…Hinamori…_ Hitsugaya thought. _But mine will keep on fighting… It'll keep on going…_

_Until it's as good as new._

It hasn't ended. His side had cracks in which Ichimaru, Aizen, and Hinamori herself had made, but he kept the rest standing up. It was like a bridge. Their bridge of friendship that had one side crumbling on the side, pieces already fallen prey to the rushing water below, carrying them further and further until they could no longer be brought back.

* * *

The academy wasn't all that bad, just as Hinamori described. Other than that uniform they were all forced to wear, it wasn't half bad.

He had enrolled in it almost immediately after Aizen's effect on Hinamori, much to his surprise as well as hers. But Hinamori had been overly joyful about it, hugging him and nearly choking him as well.

_"I'm so glad you're coming to the academy with me!"_

It wasn't long before they realized his talents. With his perfect scores and stunning spirit power, he moved classes in nearly half the time as others usually would. A prodigy they said.

_"I'll make sure you get to meet Aizen-taichou in person!"_

And it wasn't long before Hinamori graduated with flying colours with her friends Kira and Renji. Hitsugaya would always steal a side glance of either one of them as they walked along his friend's side. He trusted them, a lot more than Aizen at least. She wasn't going on endlessly about how great those two were, and besides, she looked happy, not admiring them in the slightest. That was a good sign.

_"I'm so proud of you shirou-chan! You're the talk of the academy!"_

Of course, he was still so much behind her, no matter how fast he was flying through his every class, impressing everyone he passed by with his skills. But his goal was Hinamori at the moment. He hasn't forgotten that promise. Hitsugaya's heart ached.

He had broken that, hadn't he?

To protect her forever and it wasn't even much as a century. Before it broke.

_"Don't call me shirou-chan anymore. I'm at the academy now aren't I?"_

It wasn't long before Hitsugaya got his hands on a zanpakuto. His grades didn't drop at all, and his kidou were exceptional as always. But he had always kept that a secret away from his classmates, practising secretly on days he was free.

_"I got my shikai Hitsugaya-kun! Isn't that great?"_

Of course it was. Who was he to argue? Hitsugaya felt a spur of happiness for his friend then, but that meant to protect her, he had to go higher. Much higher. Hinamori had surpassed expectations as well, and if she was soaring as high as the skies…

He'd have to fly into space.

It wasn't long before he achieved the honour as well, and was recognized as a proud Shinigami graduate of the academy, holding the record for the shortest time at the place. Of course, he aimed for higher.

_"Set upon the frozen heavens…Hyourinmaru!" _

It felt so nice when he first held his zanpakuto, confident as he released his shikai. But by then, he felt Hinamori slipping through his fingers once again.

_"I'm now Aizen-taichou's vice-captain!"_

A vice-captain was high, and he knew what he had to do to become higher. In the eyes of everyone that he knew of, he had the ability. But he didn't need all those praises, those hopes and smiles upon his shoulders.

Hitsugaya only needed Hinamori's.

_"Eh, Hitsugaya-kun, aren't you happy for me?"_

Of course I was you baka. Hitsugaya clenched his fist in the smooth grass.

They expected too much out of me.

Wanted too much…

Hoped for a miracle…

A miracle I brought to them...for a different reason.

And he achieved bankai and the rank of captain, above his friend. And for then, he felt proud.

_"That's amazing Hitsugaya-kun! I'm so happy for you! Aizen-taichou even praised your abilities and said you were a good friend for me…"_

But Aizen still held her attention every time they spoke. And it wasn't long before Hitsugaya realized what her absence was doing to him. A captain was a tiresome job of course, and having a vice-captain like Matsumoto didn't help along the matter though she was a great lieutenant to depend on. Hinamori had more free time, but he had less. It was a rarity for them to just see each other now, much less exchange words. But whenever they did, he couldn't help but feel jealous of the other man…

Wait…Jealous?

He...Hitsugaya Toushiro, was jealous...

Of Aizen?

It couldn't be...No, it wasn't! Hitsugaya tried to fight with his mind, trying to come up with a single reason why, but nothing was working…absolutely nothing. He seemed defeated at the loss of the truth.

He was...jealous of Aizen...

Only because of Hinamori's admiration for him, something Hitsugaya himself could never achieve. The same type of closeness they once shared was now taken away and given to the comfort of her captain.

_"Aizen-taichou even praised your abilities and said you were a good friend for me..." _

Baka... You didn't even doubt him then...not a single word he said...but you doubted me.

That told Hitsugaya who had the most trust over Hinamori.

And no matter how he wished it wasn't true, no matter how he argued with his mind, tried to find a flaw in there somewhere…

Sometimes geniuses just have to give up to the sad truth.

_We lie because the truth is too hard to deal with,_

_So we run away from our problems..._

Aizen had won in the end.

Next time: Unohana gets a visit from Hitsugaya after finding out the truth about Hinamori's trust, and finds them all to be a victim of Aizen.

Author's Note: Liked it? Don't? Tell me please! I hope you enjoyed chapter 3!

P.S. My internet connection's back! HORRAY! Let's all celebrate!


	4. Worlds Apart

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's Note: Thanks for all the lovely reviews, which was why I've decided to post up this chapter earlier than what I've planned to. School's a jerk and I haven't been able to revise this chapter as well as the others. But enjoy anyways! Remember to leave a review at the end, it really boosts up my confidence level.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach... It is one of the many dreams I have... and as always, it'll never come true. insert tears

Chapter 4

**Worlds Apart**

Last time: Wait…Jealous?

He…Hitsugaya Toushiro, was jealous…

Of Aizen?

_The person closest to you is the person that understands you best,_

_So how come I don't understand you at all?_

Unohana had called the young captain inside for it was getting dark without him even realizing it. The time just passed by as he surfed in his memories, finding clues to see what it was…why it was…He took it upon himself to answer unanswered questions his mind was troubled with. Unohana could tell by his sad shocked expression as he came in, walking rather uncertainly as the truth hit, and sank itself into his brain so it'd never leave his train of thoughts.

"Are you feeling alright today? Hitsugaya-taichou?" Unohana asked kindly as always, offering a soft smile.

Hitsugaya gave a swift nod. "Of course."

"I see." She didn't. What could have been his attention? That look on his face… it simply just wasn't right for a guy of his age. Stress definitely, confusion, doubt, fear, perhaps just all symptoms of tiredness.

It was silent for a while before the medical woman spoke up again.

"You're not feeling alright are you Hitsugaya-taichou?" Hitsugaya didn't bother protesting in the matter.

"It's just a bit of a headache. I'll get better soon, I promise."

No, it's not just a bit of a headache, she was sure of that.

"You need rest." She said, playing along somewhat.

"I agree." He muttered. "I'll go back to my division now. Sorry to have troubled you. Now if you'll excuse me." He answered, words softly spoken.

"No. You'll be better here. I'll need you to stay overnight for examinations." Unohana spoke up suddenly, surprising Hitsugaya a bit though only his eyes were actually strong enough to make some noticeable movements.

"W-Why? I mean… I feel alright, there really isn't a reason for you to…"

But Unohana was persistent. And when she decided a patient needed a certain method of healing, she was going to go through with it. Whether the patient co-operates. Or not.

"_I'll make sure you get to meet Aizen-taichou in person!"_

Hitsugaya groaned softly. The memories were certainly bothersome once he decided he wanted to see them again. Intruding his mind at the worst times was not one of the greatest side effects.

_Damn you Aizen…Damn you…_

"I guess I do need some rest." Hitsugaya admitted.

"Good. There's a free spot over here." Unohana said, leading the smaller boy to an empty room. "Lie down." Hitsugaya obeyed, not emotionally having enough energy to argue anyways. His mind was somewhere else. And Unohana could tell.

_"someone who really cares about her…"_

It just wasn't right. Was he really _this _stressed over something like this? Yes…he probably was. It hurt to move, it hurt to speak, and it even hurt to think. The soft sheets felt so comfortable, making him feel less tired but sleepier by the moment.

Hitsugaya stared up and saw Unohana's soft eyes, but her expression told him that she too, was hoping.

And his mouth faintly whispered something before the clouds carried his mind away from his body and into a dream.

"Sweet dreams…Hitsugaya-taichou." _"Hinamori…"_

Unohana only stared at his face as he fell into a swift state of sleep, expression rather kind but yet struggling.

"What happened to you Hitsugaya-kun?" She silently asked. It was only a couple of hours. A couple of hours that seemed to have ruined him…

_"Can I stay at the back garden for a while? I need some time to sort out my thoughts."_

Of course she had allowed him. But she never would've if she knew this would be the faithful result.

What…no…who? Who made you act like this?

In all her years of treating the captains, she's never seen one quite like him. Strong, determined, faithful were the qualities each and every Shinigami were obligated to have. But he had more.

He had a true dream; he knew the meaning of never giving up. Not even when everything seems hopeless. He aimed for higher, higher than anyone else had ever gone up to. And he had a best friend that made him this way. She has heard of the stories that told him how bratty he was before after all.

Of course…Unohana found herself sympathizing with Hitsugaya at the moment.

_"Shirou-chan!"_

"She was your everything wasn't she?" Unohana said, still faintly smiling as she stared up at the skies. "She was your everything, and she never even knew. How far you were going to go for her, how she changed your life and everything you ever believed in, and she…" Unohana found herself walking out of the door and into Hinamori's room, staring at her patient in the eyes though she could not see her.

"threw it all away…"

It suddenly felt colder in the room, but Unohana had not have found it within her heart to blame the 5th division lieutenant either. Aizen had put up a good mask. A mask no one could see through, one that made Hinamori dedicate _her_ everything to, a person that forced a friendship apart.

"It hurts doesn't it? I'm sure that's what you've realized. Right? Hitsugaya-kun?" Unohana said to herself, very well knowing something completely true.

* * *

There were scars to the body, in which heals in days, weeks, months, perhaps years… But they heal. Completely and utterly, until you no longer remember they were there.

There were scars to the mind, in which you lose everything you believe in, they heal too…with a strong heart.

There were scars to the heart, in which decisions are regretted and confusion is settled. Healing those…were quite rare.

And then there were the scars to the soul, in which a person doubts everything about himself. Unohana shook her head softly.

"You've already survived the first 2…can you survive the rest? Hitsugaya-kun?"

The moonlight was perhaps shining a bit too bright on Soul Society tonight. She simply stared at Hinamori and thought of Hitsugaya.

"We were all victims of Aizen… not just you Hinamori…you're not alone, neither are you…Hitsugaya-kun."

The world was black…and they were all just deadly preys to it. Everyone got hurt one way or another…It was just the way things were. Unohana sighed at the soft sight.

_"Best friends shirou-chan!" _

_"Of course."_

The sight almost frightened her too much. Too much happened now and too much was going to happen in the future. A friendship was tore apart, and probably didn't have the chances of going back to what it once was. And everyone was powerless to do anything about it…but those two themselves.

Unohana was a healer. She knew how the mind worked as well as the body, and as a healer, she loved to see the face of someone recovered from their injuries because she had helped.

But she couldn't help this case. Not at all.

And it made her feel shameful rather, frustrated not nearly as much.

Because all she was left to resort to…

It was hope.

_Some things are better left alone._

_Because they heal with time._

Next time: Is Hitsugaya ready to visit Hinamori again despite what he thinks? And what's Matsumoto up to while he was gone?

Author's Note: Thanks for reading, and I hope you have enjoyed chapter 4！


	5. Sarcrifices

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's Note: Well, I'm updating a bit earlier than what I expected since I'm still quite busy with schoolwork. But I figured now would be a good time to do so. This is the longest chapter in this story so far, and it features more characters. Horray! Wishing that you enjoy this and keep supporting this fic! A HUGE thank you to all my reviewers so far!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bleach... I never will... which is really, a sad reality... cries

Chapter 5

**Sacrifices**

Last time: "She was your everything…and she threw it all away."

_A sacrifice is nothing if it doesn't hurt._

_Body, mind, heart and soul._

When Hitsugaya awoke, it was not a surprise to see Unohana sitting there patiently, smiling lightly as always.

"How are you feeling today Hitsugaya-Taichou?" She asked, referring back to his preferred name, looking quite pleased with herself.

"Fine...I suppose." He answered lightly, rubbing his forehead a bit. "Quite a dream."

"I see." Was the quiet reply.

It was silent for a while before Hitsugaya got out of bed, slipping into his sandals casually.

'I'll be going now then, I'm sure everyone's worried about me." Hitsugaya said honestly.

Unohana seemed to have thought of it beforehand. "I already told Matsumoto-fukutaichou. She's been taking over your post for the last couple of hours last I've heard."

Hitsugaya tried not to laugh, but it was so funny. "Matsumoto? Taking over?" If she can't even manage to do the paperwork on time, god, what else? Come to think of it…Hitsugaya was prepared to face the fearful mountain of sheets that he's come to avoid so far.

Unohana nodded.

"Then…I'll be going." Hitsugaya said.

"Wait," Unohana spoke, quite sudden and out of turn.

"What is it?" Hitsugaya turned to face the other captain.

"Don't you want to visit Hinamori-chan? I know you probably haven't taken back your word, but I haven't taken back mine either." It was spoke steadily, and she sounded almost too confident yet worried at the same time.

_"The current me isn't ready to see her yet."_

_"She really needs someone who can reach out to her."  
_

There was a pause. Unohana's eyes pierced his at that moment, and made him feel quite weak in the knees. Those words...So full of determination and courage, kind and thoughtful, yet….he wanted to turn it down.

_I'm not ready._

He wasn't.

But there was just something about the way that she spoke.

And his heart just made a decision he was sure he'd regret.

"…only for a while."

And Hitsugaya entered the dark quiet room with the sleeping Hinamori in it, not once looking back.

Unohana smiled.

* * *

Ever since that day, he had only visited the young girl once. And through his words to Unohana, he was sure he'd never visit her again, or at least even see her until she was all healed. He was hoping by then, he'd find the exact words he wanted to say to her. Face to face. Eye to eye. Heart to heart. 

But his actions proved that thought so fearfully wrong. Hinamori, who was lying in the bed, eyes closed and breathing steadily, made his mind swirl with a single thought he wouldn't be able to, no, couldn't endure.

_You failed her._

Hitsugaya hadn't been able to convince his mind otherwise of that thought. That memory. He wasn't trying to either, because he fully blamed himself, despite what others had said.

_You weren't strong enough to protect her. _

It hurt… too much to bear, but he still tried to stare at her seemingly lifeless closed eyes.

_And because of that…he almost killed her._

And he still lived with that terrible truth. And that realization that brought him to believe that that girl in front of him…

She might not live.

And Hitsugaya paled. He couldn't bring himself to look at her anymore.

"I'm sorry…" Hitsugaya muttered, looking away from the bed and into an empty place in the room. "I'm sorry…Momo…"

Just as before, he knew he couldn't take it. He brought his hand to the place where Aizen had once stabbed him, and felt the pain take in again. The scar was still there, fresh as new, so every time he looked at it, it reminded him of something he wish he'd never have to experience again.

That feeling of letting another down.

_"Admiration strays from the truth."_

And we had all been victims of that, right? So foolish we were… Hitsugaya thought. He turned around, and came out of the room without another word. He felt unlike himself, not even strong enough to be in the same room as her anymore. But he was still not ready to see her… and until he was, he probably never will.

And Unohana knew. By the look in his pained face, Unohana could tell that it was too much for him to handle at the moment.

And there was something else he needed to do. Something much more important.

Because doubt strays away from the truth as well.

And the door closed.

* * *

The 10th was quiet when he arrived, and once he saw a few of the division members, he had only one thought on his mind. 

"Matsumoto?"

The lieutenant was like herself, lying on the couch, but instead of a sake bottle in her hand, it was a piece of paper. Much like…

Paperwork?

No… it couldn't be… could it?

He wanted to smack himself, tell his mind that this wasn't happening. His lieutenant has finally gone mad. But somehow, he felt thankful.

He had someone to depend on after all.

"Matsumoto…I'm back." Hitsugaya managed to say after a few minutes of staring.

"Uh huh." And it was only then, did Hitsugaya's eyes fell upon the 3rd seat of the division, who was scribbling quick on pieces of paper Matsumoto put down.

"What's going on here?" Hitsugaya inquired, looking utterly confused.

"We're doing paperwork." Tarizu, the 3rd seat replied. "Matsumoto-fukutaichou asked me to help because she wasn't very good at it, so I obliged."

"Not very good at it huh?" Hitsugaya raised an eyebrow at his vice-captain, who had just put down another piece of paper. "Approved." More like lazy.

"So we worked out a system." Matsumoto said, glancing over the words spread across the white sheets. "I'll read it, no matter how boring it might be, and either approve or disapprove. Then Tarizu over here, he rereads it to make sure and then signs over all the necessary parts. He couldn't done all of it on his own, but we need the permission of a vice-captain or higher, so this was the only way."

Hitsugaya thought it wasn't a too bad work system, and he was probably lucky to have such a 3rd seat. No wonder Matsumoto's pile seemed higher than the original pile, while Tarizu's weren't even tall enough to be called a pile rather.

"I suppose that's a good enough plan, better than you slacking off at least." Hitsugaya said at last. Matsumoto sat up.

"If you don't mind taichou, I know what's going on right now. And you need all the time you can get if this is the rate you're going." Matsumoto said, not even sparing a glance.

"What are you talking about?" Hitsugaya asked, almost angry.

"Stop acting stupid. Go back and think about what you need to. We don't need a distracted captain. Come back as you, and no one else! It's creepy having this type of sulking captain around." Matsumoto said, turning now.

"…"

"Fine. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity for you to do paperwork for me anyways. I'll take you up on that offer."

Perhaps Matsumoto knew more than what she gave away. Hitsugaya was really thankful for her. No matter how lazy she was at paperwork, she was more dependable than anyone else he was sure. Yet… he had never taken her for the serious type in anything but with her sword.

Maybe he should thank her when all of this was over and done with.

Hitsugaya barely had enough time to realize where his feet were taking him. Oh no…

* * *

The 11th. 

The fighting division, fiercest of the fierce, strongest of the strong, the scariest of the creepiest bunch were all here. And Hitsugaya frankly, hated this place.

There was the all famous 3rd seat Ikkaku. Known for his fighting skills and mad power just as much as his bald head. As well as Yumichika, the beautiful one as he calls himself, though the power does kick in later on.

The vice-captain, Kusajishi Yachiru, the girl with the strange nicknames and who always hangs on Kenpachi's shoulder. A bad sense of direction just as much as her leader, but fierce when she needs to. However, Hitsugaya did admire her, just a bit for being able to bite Ikkaku's head without getting as much as a scratch, and the only one living right now who Kenpachi would never hurt in a million years.

And the captain itself. Kenpachi Zaraki was one of a kind. If he could match other captains without knowledge of his zanpakuto's name, then what would happen if he did? Frankly, Hitsugaya didn't want to know either. The very thought crept him out and sent shivers down his spine. He wouldn't want to catch Kenpachi on his bad side. That would be just as much as signing your death wish.

But the 11th was dependable, just not problematic wise.

_"Fight to the end."_

A win was a win, a loss was a loss. And a loss meant a life.

That was why the 11th were never weak.

Which was why Hitsugaya never brought himself to ask any of them for help.

And today was no different.

He was met with Yachiru. The younger vice-captain was one that he'd like to avoid, but with no avail.

"SNOWY!"

And that was probably why. Hitsugaya dodged with ease, making the other cringe slightly. "Come to visit?"

"No." Hitsugaya replied angrily.

"Then why are you here huh?"

And Hitsugaya couldn't think of a proper reply.

"Where's bun girl?"

Hitsugaya couldn't help but twitch at that nickname which was suitable at least, and not too out of order like the others were. "Didn't you just stay overnight to see her?"

It was a casual question, and apparently Hitsugaya knew it himself. But he couldn't help taking the small details into consideration. The news had spread, and into strange little rumours he couldn't control.

"Asleep." Hitsugaya finally managed to choke out.

Yachiru cocked her head to one side and stared at Hitsugaya in the face. And then laughed.

"It's where, snowy! Not what!" And Yachiru kept on laughing the whole way through.

Hitsugaya found that as a chance to leave.

Yachiru saw though. "Isn't bun girl supposed to be with you? Didn't you tell her yet?"

"Tell her what?"

"That you love her silly!"

Hitsugaya choked as he blushed, shaking his head terribly. "W-WHAT?"

"Don't deny it!" And Yachiru ran away.

L-Love? He wasn't in love with her! Was he? Oh stop it! He told himself.

But if one visit to the 4th did that… he better stay away from Unohana for a while. The 11th was one place to get all of your gossip because of their vice-captain for sure.

Hitsugaya pushed the thought out of his mind as another entered.

That visit was still fresh in his mind as he self-consciously walked around Soul Society.

_You failed her._

Those words were still haunting him.

_"You're Aizen-taichou's… murderer!"_

And he couldn't help but wander… that pain…that wound that could have very well taken away his life away if not for Unohana's assistance in the matter. So,

He was about to die to save Hinamori?

No… Hinamori was already on the brink of death as soon as he arrived, and he had activated his bankai out of anger to take revenge on Aizen. But it backfired.

So the question was…

Would he be willing to risk it all for her again? Different circumstances, different times, and would he throw away his life for her?

If it meant she'd live happily, then yes.

But the one person that made her truly happy was now gone.

And Hitsugaya knew he had once been that person, but he came…

And took his position away.

Then he had gone.

And had taken that position in Hinamori's heart with him.

If that was the case… Hitsugaya thought bitterly.

I'd rather let her die.

Author's Note: Well, review please! I'd like to see how you guys thought of this chapter!

Next time: A talk with Ukitake makes Hitsugaya see his self conscious lies, and forces his mind to see the horrors he's managed to stay away from so far.


	6. Far Away

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

**Author's Note: Well, I feel like updating early again, so probably expect this fic to be complete at the end of September or early October... If you guys want, I'll post up the sequel, but it's a lot darker and angsty, and I'm not finished it quite yet. First of all, it was for my pure enjoyment, but I thought you all might want to read a bit of it too. Tell me what you think in the reviews please. But for now...**

**Thanks for all the wonderful encouraging reviews! It was very helpful and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Never will... I'm simply just a loyal fan wanting to get into part of the fandom!

* * *

**  
**

Chapter 6

**Far Away**

Last time: _You weren't strong enough to protect her. _

If that was the case…I'd rather let her die.

_Betrayal is the weakness of two closest together,_

_For when their bond breaks, so those ev__erything in between._

Hitsugaya let some parts of time slip as the bounts arrived at Soul Society, so he pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. But that didn't necessarily mean it wouldn't resurface.

After watching those ice pillars fall, Hitsugaya couldn't help but feel like that's how their friendship ended. When frozen, ice is strong, but when a flame comes, it melts and loses itself.

Hitsugaya had been the ice, Hinamori the flame.

She tamed his icy spirit.

He held hers from going too far.

Then entered the unpredictable wind and made the flame grow stronger and stronger.

Increasing the fiery spirit until it was at its fullest, then the wind left, and the fire itself just gave up on something it's grown accustomed to.

And it made the ice fall because their relationship died.

And the ice just lay there, unfeeling, unable to do anything as the flame gradually died out.

Hitsugaya wasn't going to go that far. Not yet. He had the cracks but he wasn't letting them go any further. He needed water. And water…

Was at the 13th.

Hitsugaya had always been close to its captain, Ukitake Jyushiro. Not only because of their similar hair colour and name, though it certainly did bring them closer together, and throw in the bundles of candy he was usually offered, Ukitake was quite a good friend and guardian to talk to.

And he was the water Hitsugaya desperately needed right there.

"Ukitake-taichou?"

The man wasn't sick today, which Hitsugaya was rather thankful for, and he greeted Hitsugaya in with a smile.

"What brings you here today Hitsugaya-taichou?"

"Well, after the bount crisis, I figured you would be a good person to talk to." Hitsugaya said calmly.

"About what?" Ukitake asked urgently, setting the mood according to Hitsugaya's expression.

"… Hinamori."

Ukitake's expression turned calmer and kinder, and then a sadder look settled in his face.

"What's bothering you?"

Hitsugaya normally wouldn't confide this information. He doubt himself even knew of most of its contents, but Ukitake was a man of trust, he was sure of that.

And Hitsugaya wouldn't have chosen better anyways.

_"Let's be friends forever shirou-chan!"_

"But she's drifting away."

_"Admiration strays away from the truth."_

"I'm not even sure if it was admiration."

_"We were all tricked!"_

"And I can't live with myself knowing she might die any second now."

Ukitake seemed to be able to tell by those words then, and the look in Hitsugaya's jade eyes proved his suspicion. It must hurt… an awful lot to say these things right? He thought.

Especially when you're lying through gritted teeth.

"You mean you can't live with the fact…that you perhaps aren't friends anymore." Ukitake spoke suddenly, making Hitsugaya's face turn into one of pure shock.

"And that she may still be admiring him…"

"And that may very well turn into…" Hitsugaya knew. That pitiful feeling in his stomach, that strange pain he couldn't endure, fully knowing his next words, it made him feel sick, but it was a hard truth. Everything was a hard truth now... Fate was cruel...And not only to him.

"Her own betrayal against you right?" Ukitake couldn't even crack a smile, waiting for Hitsugaya's response.

And it was the first time Hitsugaya felt such a strange mix of emotions.

Anger… for Ukitake seeing through his false words he himself couldn't even discover.

Sadness and terror… for the truth itself.

But most of all… relief, for Ukitake understood. And that made everything easier at the moment, but not enough for him to feel even slightly confident about what he was about to say.

"yes." Hitsugaya said, looking down still.

"What?" Ukitake asked. _Sorry, but you need to face this yourself._

"YES damn it! I'm scared that we aren't friends anymore! I can't live with myself knowing she might still trust him more than me! And I probably won't live with myself if she did betray us!" Hitsugaya had raised his voice a lot higher, and a lot louder, screaming on the top of his lungs, fighting back the tears that were about to fall.

"Does it feel better to say it out loud?" Ukitake finally asked.

"No… not at all. But at least now I know… some things." Hitsugaya replied bitterly, rather embarrassed that he had gone out of control right there and then.

"I'm glad I helped somewhat." Ukitake replied.

Ukitake couldn't go through what the other was, but if anyone could overcome it, it was Hitsugaya.

After all, he was a genius.

As Hitsugaya walked, he felt the crack heal, just a bit, but it healed a scar in his heart. The water had helped.

Which was probably why his tears won't fall…

Because when water turns into ice, it still goes on. But when ice turns back into water, it takes a whole lot longer to turn back into its original state.

And Hitsugaya was still fighting to stay the way he was, not allowing the ice inside his soul to melt.

_Because the harder things are to break,_

_The harder it is to come back together. _

_Everything but for souls…_

_For when they shatter, they usually shatter…_

_For good._

And the ice… the ice was his soul.

And Hitsugaya won't go down without a fight.

It's just the way things are.

Next time: Who's more important? Aizen or himself?

* * *

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it! If you wish to read the sequel, once again, please tell me through a review or a PM if you wish! Thanks for taking the time to read this rather... shameful fanfic! I really do enjoy angst, especially of my favourite characters... Don't ask me why, it's just the way I am... 


	7. Trusting the Enemy

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's Note: Well, this is one of the shorter chapters. Advancing into the arcs more and following the Bleach story plot. So there might be tiny spoilers. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, I get so happy from them, knowing this piece of work wasn't wasted! Maybe I should take a break from angst sometime...

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach and all its wonderful characters. It's the sad, sad, truth. Besides, I doubt Tite Kubo would torture any of his characters like this. He might torture them, but not to this extent... sweatdrops

Chapter 7

**Trusting the Enemy**

Last time: "And that may very well turn into… her own betrayal against you right?"

_I saw you smile on the outside,_

_But I saw you hurting on the inside._

_Because your eyes, they told it all._

Hitsugaya Toushiro admitted to himself. He hated Aizen. With all of his mind, heart and soul. So did everyone else of Soul Society apparently, for his betrayal caused a big problem soon to come that they must solve. He broke many's trusts, and dragged along others for the ride, like Matsumoto and Ichimaru, however, he cared most about Hinamori's.

Hinamori was the one closest to Aizen, and the one hurt most because of it. No one could've foreseen it coming, least not her. Kind, thoughtful, strong, everything that made Hinamori admire him even more, to the point where she would just willingly thrust her life in his hands.

And he had taken it.

And went for the kill.

It landed her in the position she was in now. Clenching his fists tightly, Hitsugaya tried not to go crazy on the matter.

_"She worked herself to death just to be of use to you!"_

Then what was his reason?

He went and became a shinigami because he was jealous of Aizen's relationship with her.

He got himself a captain's position just to prove to her that he can be just as good as Aizen.

He tried to kill him because he wanted to avenge her.

He was avoiding her because he had failed.

He was hoping for her survival because he can't do anything himself.

_"Whether or not she'll wake up, will all depend on her will to live."_

But Hitsugaya wasn't sure if Hinamori wants to wake up. Wake up in that nightmare where her captain had gone onto the other side as the leader, and the reality that she just might fight him someday.

It was perhaps just too painful.

And it might make her turn the easy way…

The fact that she can still join him.

And the fact that she just might.

Hitsugaya was a genius, and he doesn't deny facts when he sees them, but sometimes there's a limit.

And this thought just crossed the line.

_"Let's be friends forever shirou-chan!"_

_Yeah right… Its one thing to just say that you know, but you have to keep your side of the deal Hinamori. _Hitsugaya thought. There's no friendship if there's only one person you baka…

But could it just be that Hitsugaya thought a bit too much on the case.

It wasn't that he wanted her to be safe or something,

Nor happy, because going to the other side might tear her conscious apart, the fear of betraying her friends and the fear of letting down her (former) captain.

But he was scared for himself. Scared for her.

Because if she made the wrong decision…

_"A captain takes care of his sub-coordinates. He comes out only after his commanding officers have fallen. Be strong. Because you are the sign of strength in your division. Show a good example. Tear apart all enemies mercilessly. Do not endanger your division and don't let personal affairs get in the midst of battle. Your division comes first above all else." _

Wasn't this a personal affair? Wasn't he just running away from the true problem here? Because he knew… deep inside…

_"This is hard to ask of all of you, but neglect your own lives." _

He'd probably have to fight her one day then.

And he already experienced that once, accidentally on her part at that, and he couldn't even raise his sword against her. That crying expression, confusion and fear, the knowledge of knowing he'd never truly strike her back…

Because to Hitsugaya, Hinamori would never be a true enemy.

And that might just cost him his own life.

And strangely, Hitsugaya didn't care.

_"Will you die for her?" _

"I guess I will." Hitsugaya said softly, looking down. But unknown to himself, he had just answered another question.

"Get better soon…Hinamori."

The real world was where he was destined afterwards. The unfortunate team was probably what kept his mind simple and clean for the last few days. He wasn't going to think about it much longer.

"I'll know when the time comes." He said as he stared up at the stars on Orihime's roof, the very essence of Hinamori haunting him as he moved.

"I always do."

Next time: Hinamori awakes and asks Hitsugaya for a favour he's shocked at.

Author's Note: Short enough hm? Oh well. I hoped you enjoyed it! Still deciding over the sequel, and wanting desperate inspiration for another fanfic. Review please and thank you!


	8. Fallen Angel

**Faded Memories**

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's Note: This fic is taking a turn now, though you all noticed it! Congrats! For HitsuKarin fans, the next chapter will focus on that a bit. I'm a fan of it myself, though I can't write one... So I thought it'd be nice to stick in here. Thank you for all the lovely reviews and for keeping this fic alive! I hope you enjoy this chapter and won't hate me for making them do this! I promise I'll stay off the angst for a while!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Do I look, or sound rich to you? Do I have fans coming at my door everyday? Ah... that'd be the day! But no. cries

Chapter 8

**Fallen Angel**

Last time: _"This is hard to ask of all of you, but neglect your own lives." _

"I guess I will."

_All I wanted was your trust…_

_But even that was a bit too much to ask,_

_For you already gave it away._

The real world wasn't too bad. He had gotten used to Ichigo and the others, needing of their assistance once in a while.

But that Ichigo, he was quite annoying when he needed to be. Always calling him Toushiro and little one and all, it was growing to be like a habit, and Hitsugaya didn't want it turn out somewhat like Hinamori and shirou-chan.

That's right…

Hinamori.

It's been a while since that time, and she should be better by now.

Unless she isn't.

NO! Hitsugaya didn't want to think of such circumstances. It wasn't true, and it never will be. Hinamori was strong. She'll pull through. He was sure she would. He certainly didn't want to doubt himself, especially not now.

"Taichou! Let's go!" Hitsugaya only nodded as he followed.

The communication device in Orihime's room worked out quite well, though Orihime was quite surprised and startled by the new development. And as soon as Matsumoto left, and Yamamoto told him of someone wanting to speak to him. Hitsugaya felt his heart skip a beat. And again.

No…it couldn't be… but who else could it be? Such a simple answer awaited him.

Hinamori appeared on the screen.

Hitsugaya couldn't believe his eyes. Her hair was the same as always, and her eyes shining, though those bags underneath it confirmed his thought about her losing sleep.

"Hitsugaya-kun…"

Hitsugaya blinked.

And before he knew it, she was begging him to save Aizen. Telling him about how Ichimaru was the mastermind behind everything. Hitsugaya would've loved for it to be true. Not only because he suspected Ichimaru from the beginning, but that would work out for everyone. But he knew it wasn't. There was just no way. The proof was too overwhelming. And ...

And then she was knocked out. Hitsugaya couldn't help but be shocked as the screen dissolved into nothingness. Absolute shock. That's what it was.

Save Aizen?

What was she? Crazy? That man had stabbed her, almost taken away her life, betrayed hers and everyone else's trust, and was now going to start a war that might just ruin Soul Society forever, and he was being pleaded by his best friend… to save that man.

If it was **anything **else, he would've agreed in a heartbeat.

But it wasn't just anything.

And though he felt tempted, he knew it was wrong. Captains were taught to be responsible. To always make the right decision, the one of justice. Nothing else should stand in the way. Not even her.

"I already made mistakes before Hinamori… forgive me, but I can't." Hitsugaya knew she wasn't there but he didn't care anyways. It felt good to say it, to get it off his chest, though his heart was still pounding with mysteries.

"You'll thank me later."

She had fallen too far. Been dragged under Aizen too long, and thought differently too much to heal. And if he had agreed…

He would've fallen along with her.

A fallen angel. That was what Hinamori was.

An angel who had been seen by the light, showered with pureness and happy memories. An angel who had fallen into the darkness, unable to fly back up.

Hitsugaya would avenge her. He would.

"I'll lend you my wings Hinamori… if you promise not to do anything stupid while I'm gone." Hitsugaya said, still wishing to see that girl again. That girl that made him forget everything. Absolutely everything. Who was his everything.

But she was gone.

Not gone forever, but still gone.

And Hitsugaya felt empty inside again. Perhaps it would be better to sleep early that day…

But even as he slept, he saw those eyes of hers, usually shining, one thought was still in his mind.

_Stop pretending Hinamori._

It was fake. That light in her eyes changed. More hurt and confusion than ever had shown up, and his doubt of answering to her favour made him think if it was the wisest thing to do.

It felt like she was about to cry, perhaps she had after the disconnection.

But Hitsugaya didn't blame her.

Because she wasn't ice. She was fire.

And even for her flame was once put out, it was now back on, even just lightly.

Which ensured Hitsugaya one thing…

She'll fly back up again.

_Don't hide all of your pain,_

_Don't hide all of your troubles._

_Because you'll regret it in the end._

Next time: The resemblances between Karin and Hinamori makes Hitsugaya realize the blank truth lying in front of him all these years.

Author's Note: Well, I guess it's a bit short today, but I felt kinda bad for not updating as fast as I had previously hoped. I mean, I was wanting to finish this by late September or early October, but I guess I got sidetracked. Two more chapters to go! I hope you stay with this fic until the end! Review please!


	9. Change of Heart

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

Author's Note: I was tempted to post up the last chapter along with this one, but I guess you guys can wait a while longer. Thanks for all the glorious reviews! This chapter associates with the episode: "Hitsugaya, Karin, and Soccer ball." (If I remembered correctly) And well... a made up ending for Bleach basically. But it's not true! All just a figment of my imagination. Hope this fulfills your needs!

Disclaimer: No way, in any right, do I own this show called Bleach. Though it is one of my many dreams!

Chapter 9

**Change of Heart**

Last time: "I'll lend you my wings Hinamori… if you promise not to do anything stupid while I'm gone."

_I stared you, hurting inside but never showing it,_

_And I decided right there and then_

_After seeing you smile_..

_To resist my temptations.._

_  
_

Upon touching that soccer ball, Hitsugaya had sensed something in that girl. Karin her name was, and she possessed a strange amount of spirit power for a human. Almost like Kurosaki in fact... How ironic...

But he hadn't counted on talking to her about Hinamori.

The less association, the less confusion, and the more happiness.

But who was he to care?

She had that kind of fire inside her too. That burning determination that Hinamori had, except Karin used it differently.

She had used it to set out her anger and frustration, used it to stand up to someone older, used it to motivate all her friends, and used it to win the game.

But Hinamori was softer, and had admired Aizen with a burning passion from afar, using her strength to work harder each day, making others around her feel happier and used it to make him who he was today.

When Karin had asked him, Hitsugaya was tempted to just reply with a straight no. That wasn't until he had heard the word dwarf, which made him sure he wasn't just going to take this lying down.

But then she had kicked a soccer ball at him, and with a strange spiritual power that made him feel urged to kick it back instead of dodging it outright.

Which earned him a spot on the team.

When he stared at her from the roof, he saw her leadership qualities shine, commanding others like a captain would, with a determination that wouldn't die down no matter how harsh the situation was.

Hinamori… she hated to hurt anyone deliberately, wanting more peace than anything else, which was why she thought being a shinigami would benefit the world. Hitsugaya couldn't see what was so familiar about the two that made him think of Hinamori the first time he saw Karin's face.

_"Let's be friends forever shirou-chan!"_

That kindness was what Karin lacked.

"You are falling in love with a human from the real world taichou?"

"I told you it was different." Hitsugaya had said and left, but that felt somewhat like what Matsumoto had told him about love before.

_"First you feel attraction, like you can't take your eyes off her."_

_"Then you feel confusion as to your feelings."_

_"Next comes you start thinking everything good about her, like she has no flaws."_

_"And eternal devotion ends it all ne taichou?" _

And Yachiru's words.

_"That you love her silly!"_

But he didn't feel that Karin was good at everything, though he admits to the first two. Eternal devotion? He was a shinigami, and she a human. It wouldn't have worked out anyways, but he didn't feel like dedicating his entire life to her and her alone.

His head was trying to rid of the thoughts that bothered him so much right there and then.

"Why do you remind me so much of her?"

And then he had saved her, and ending with a pat on the head that caused him to go mad. That was just like her to do that; thank god she didn't call me shirou-chan…

Wait…

This was Karin.

Kurosaki Ichigo's little sister.

Not Hinamori Momo.

Oh god…

Those feelings…that list Matsumoto told him… it wasn't for Karin…And Yachiru…

Oh no…

He wasn't wrong after all.

The war had started with fierce fights and Hitsugaya couldn't think properly anymore except on holding on still, fighting for his life desperately as Hyourinmaru soared, letting out all of its energy, becoming one.

Hitsugaya was so tired; it was like he wanted to faint. But he couldn't. He wasn't done yet. And his eyes befell upon Aizen, grinning almost in the midst of it all.

"You bastard… I'll kill you!" Hitsugaya roared, sudden anger falling over him as he charged, but in the midst of it all, Aizen just smiled and spoke calmly.

"For killing off Hinamori-kun once and for all? I don't blame you." Hitsugaya stopped, frozen in his spot. His eyes blurred and shook with the uncertainty of it all.

"You're lying! You have to be! Shut up! SHUT UP!" Hitsugaya charged forward again, anger rushing out of him, but Aizen stopped him, twisting his body in such a way so his eyes fell upon the lifeless figure under them all.

"No…" Hitsugaya couldn't speak.

_"Let's be friends forever shirou-chan!"_

"No way…"

_"I'm now Aizen-taichou's vice-captain!"_

Hitsugaya repeatedly shook his head over and over again but the vision wouldn't go away.

_You weren't strong enough to protect her. _

Not again… And he felt his entire body going crazy, his icy coloured eyes blaring with the passion of his heart.

Hitsugaya turned towards Aizen as he broke out of his grasp, icy eyes piercing the other's gaze.

"I'll kill you… I'LL KILL YOU!"

For Hinamori…

Next time: The battle ends and Hitsugaya has to live with Hinamori's death. But has he fulfilled his promise to himself?

Author's Note: Well.. dodges angry reviewers I sincerely hope you stick around to find out the ending. Though it is a nasty cliffhanger... Perhaps I'll update a bit earlier? sweatdrops There's chapter 10 left and an epilogue which sets up the sequel, which I am debating whether to continue writing or not. But the story ends perfectly fine by chapter 10, and the epilogue just goes by imagination I'd suppose... Review please, and thanks for reading and all of your support towards this fic!


	10. Answers Found

**Faded Memories**

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

A/N: Well, last chapter at last. It dragged on for longer than I thought it would, but I'm glad it's almost over. Yep. There's an epilogue. And...you'll now find out the meaning of angst. (I'm so sorry!) Thank you to all my wonderful, wonderful reviewers! The epilogue is coming as soon as I post this up, so I have no burdens on my mind, and you have no burdens on yours. (Or is it the fact that I'm afraid you guys will stop reading huh?) Anyways. Enjoy chapter 10 of Faded Memories!

Disclaimer: In no way do I own this wonderful series called Bleach. It's practically impossible to achieve in this lifetime, but maybe next time?

Chapter 10

**Answers Found**

Last time: _"And eternal devotion ends it all ne taichou?" _

"I'll kill you… I'LL KILL YOU!"

* * *

_It's hard for us to confess to one another,_

_Only because we're afraid of being turned down._

_But you're not even there,_

_And that pain's worse than anything._

Hitsugaya had won. He didn't know how, but he had. Aizen was dead, but he didn't feel any better. He had let his anger taken over him, and now… it must be all over. His body ached oh so terribly but he didn't care. This was one promise he had fulfilled after all, why wasn't he feeling proud?

Running over to Hinamori, his eyes blurred, holding her with both arms, he saw that Aizen wasn't lying. She was bleeding still, but too much blood was already gone. Her eyes were already closed and her smile already faded away, for it wasn't there in the first place. Everything…

Hitsugaya wouldn't have believed it if he didn't just see it with his own two eyes, but Hinamori…

_She was dead._

And he felt broken all over again.

Matsumoto's words… they flew all over him again. Everyone's did. Still grabbing onto her, Hitsugaya knew.

He wasn't going to let this promise to himself go unkept.

_"Taichou? Why Hinamori-chan? Why do you want to protect her so badly?"_

"Because I care about her. More than anything else in the world."

_"She really needs someone who cares about her." _

"I do."

_"Is she more than your best friend?"_

Hitsugaya paused. "...Definitely."

_"Do you hate her?"_

"No… never."

_"…It may very well turn into…her own betrayal against you…Right?"_

"But she didn't."

It was so ironic, looking into those eyes of hers, knowing the person he knew was no longer there, it made Hitsugaya realize something, something so crystal clear that...

"I'm such a baka…"

He had loved her. More than anything, and now she was gone, and he couldn't even tell her the truth.

Why had he been jealous of Aizen?

Because he had stolen Hinamori's affection.

Why was he a shinigami captain now?

Because he wanted to impress Hinamori and to tell her that he was strong enough to protect her with his own life.

But in the end, it never worked out.

"…I love you…Momo…" Hitsugaya muttered, looking at her sadly, somehow hoping she'd wake up and say those words back to him.

But dreaming doesn't help. It never did and it never will.

One more…

_"Can you live without her?" _

And while holding her cold body in his hands, he knew.

Matsumoto knew too. The very feeling of someone you loved, gone, without you able to tell them how you feel.

Unohana did too, those sad eyes, unable to go on any longer. Being a healer herself, she's been through so many people with the same antics. Unohana shut her eyes. _It's for the best right?_

"no." He spoke softly at first, realizing his actions quickly as he felt one of his hands leaving her body and swiftly grabbing the sheath of Hyourinmaru.

He felt his eyes watering over the decision he was going to make, right there and then, regardless of whoever was watching. He had priced her over all others. It seemed so unreasonable yet...

So right...

_**"Hyourinmaru."**_

**"Yes. I understand. But are you sure? You'll be letting down your lieutenant, your friends, all of Soul Society, all only for her?"**

_**"I'm sorry."**_

**"I know you. You won't go back on your word. It's your decision to make." **

_**"…Thank you. I'm glad we were partners."**_

**"It's a bond that will last forever." **

And Hitsugaya felt the icy aura surround him and Hinamori, circling him as he felt the coldness take in slowly, the familiar feeling no longer friendly as usual.

I kept my promise… I have no regrets. Thank you…Matsumoto…Unohana…Ukitake…

Matsumoto's eyes widened as she saw what was happening.

"NO! Unohana-taichou, we've got to…" But the healer had shaken her head.

"It's his life… not ours."

"But…" And the ice had disappeared.

"TAICHOU!"

And the two were gone.

Matsumoto sank onto her knees. The war was over. But now she understood what it meant by both sides losing. In why war was so detested. So meaningless. Victory meant nothing now.

"Let's go… I'll show you the other patients." Matsumoto suddenly spoke up. Unohana had seen her eyes,once like her own when she could not save her first patient. So broken and hurt, that it seemed almost impossible to heal.

And she had seen Hitsugaya's body, even from afar. She saw the remnants of his tears on the ground as Matsumoto took Hyourinmaru and Tobiume from the two.

Unohana didn't ask, only followed, not once looking back.

Because she knew if she did, her heart would break as well, like before.

As she walked, she felt the ice like feeling of cold again. And looked up.

It was snowing.

* * *

**In honour of Yoruichi, former 2****nd**** division captain, Isane, 4****th****division vice-captain, Hinamori, 5****th**** division vice-captain, Hitsugaya, 10****th**** division captain, Ukitake, 13****th**** division captain. We hope you live in peace. **

_We say love makes us do strange things,_

_But really,_

_It's us that do strange things because of love. _

And in the end, Hitsugaya had cried, for the first time. For his soul… had broken at last.

* * *

A/N: Okay. I'm running away. And this is how it turns out! But there's the epilogue afterwards, so please read that as well. It'll make this so much better than it seems. (Well, I tried.) Review please! And thanks for reading! 


	11. Epilogue: Return of Fate

Faded Memories

By: Sakura-Moonlight

Summary: Hitsugaya goes through his memories to dig out the exact reason why he stuck by Hinamori's side, and realize the truths he forced himself to believe were anything but true. HitsuHina

A/N: Okay. Here it is! I'm posting both right after another so you can stop trying to hate me for the rest of your life (Heh... I hope that's not true!) So here's a very, very short epilogue that sets up for the sequel if I decide to have one. And... Or you can just imagine they lived happily ever after. This is where your imagination roams free and I have no more control over these wonderful characters I've tortured for the past two months. Okay, thanks for all your reviews! Hope you like this epilogue!

Disclaimer: I own Bleach. No I don't! Don't fall for that!

* * *

Epilogue

**Return of Fate**

Last time: "…I love you…Momo…"** In honour of Yoruichi, former 2****nd**** division captain, Isane, 4****th****division vice-captain, Hinamori, 5****th**** division vice-captain, Hitsugaya, 10****th**** division captain, Ukitake, 13****th**** division captain. We hope you live in peace.**

* * *

_100 years later_

Two figures arrived at Rukongai as they looked around, wandering into the Seireitei area without much of a problem. The stars had twinkled lightly as the two walked together, side by side quietly.

"Where is this place?" The girl spoke with a bit of worry in her voice.

"I wish I knew what that shinigami person was talking about." The boy answered sort of, his eyes wandering around the place as well.

But a striking memory hit the boy as soon as his eyes fell upon the buildings.

"I seem to remember…somewhat. Have we been here before?" He asked, more confused than ever.

"I don't think so shirou-chan."

"Don't call me that bed wetter Momo."

"You're so mean Hitsugaya-kun."

Suddenly, a light laugh cracked through the night, making the two turn around at the speed of sound.

"Who is it?" He asked in alarm.

The figure stood up in the shadows, smiling lightly, her eyes misted in the shadows.

"It's nice to see you two argue again… after so long ago…"

The boy raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember me.That's just cruel of you."

As the figure stepped out of the dark, the boy's jade coloured eyes widened in pure surprise. Voices raced through his mind.

_"And this is your vice-captain, Matsumoto Rangiku."_

"…Matsumoto?" He asked, in direct disbelief. The girl tugged on his robes lightly.

"Hitsugaya-kun?"

Matsumoto stepped out completely, her light blue eyes faded away from 100 years ago, forcing a simple smile out of her as in greeting.

"Welcome back…taichou."

_**OWARI**_

* * *

_**A/N: Okay... how's that? It's sort of set up in a way that a sequel could squeeze itself in somewhere, yet, you guys can think of what happened too. Tiny hints are in there if I decide to have a sequel, (Because I have brand new ideas!) so... I guess you can decide. The sequel's giving me a bit of trouble, so I won't mind if I don't post it up at all, but if you want it up, I'll be sure to do so within the next couple of months! (Of course, I got to complete it first or it'll just be another abandoned story...) Alright. I hoped you all enjoyed reading Faded Memories. I thank you for all your support on my first multi-chaptered fic in a long time. Well, once my writing has matured at least. Arigatou to all! Give me one last review and I'll be FOREVER grateful. Really, thanks! **_


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